Only Whites Need Apply

I must admit that I am a little upset as I write this. As you all know, or will know after this post, Matt and I have both really enjoyed our time here in Guyuan but will be moving to Beijing for the next term. I will miss all of my kids dearly and my time with them will always be important to me. I am already getting all choked up whenever I think about having to say goodbye to them. I am very close to some of my kids and I know what kind of impact I have had on them because they have had such a profound impact on me.

However, being a good teacher (err, English cheerleader) or making a difference in the lives of the students isn't what it is all about for the schools. It's how you look. I look Asian. I'm proud of my ancestry and I generally like the way I look. I am not what they want.

At first, it was just a suspicion (a confirmed suspicion, but still a suspicion) that my appearance was not what they were hoping for and that was why Matt was always getting whisked away and introduced to people, getting shown off while I was kinda brushed aside. I gladly accepted my status as the "other foreign teacher". No name, not white. I can't say that I exactly minded getting less attention as I know that I would not have liked getting the attention that Matt received both inside and outside of the school walls. I know why he is teaching at the key middle school and why I am teaching at the Junior School. It is no mystery.

So, most recently, we got a little e-snippet about the school's preference for future volunteers (we can read your mail too, China):

"the most important thing is that because we live in a remote area and we are the first school to invite foreign teachers in Gu Yuan, the school leaders want the two teachers to be typical Westerners in appearance, which will give the local people an impressive and remarkable effect."

It is just different when you see it in writing. I don't know who should be more offended, Matt or myself. So, looks are the most important. It doesn't matter what we do in the classroom, yeh gotta be white, because we all know that IS what the typical Westerner looks like. I know the theory behind this, but what does the typical American look like? Is Matt more of an American because he is more fair? Am I less of one because I am a naturalized citizen? It's like saying all of the Chinese have the same stereotypical look - yellow skin, slanty eyes, straight, black hair, short and a little buck-toothed. But being here, well, there is no one way a Chinese person should look - and thank God for that. All of my kids are beautiful and different. Granted they don't have blonde hair and blue eyes, and generally all have dark hair and dark eyes, but, I really don't think that one could say that they all look the same.

One of the beautiful things about America (and yes, there are quite a few) is its diversity. Granted all things are not equal in the states, but there is a wonderful diversity of people. Is a black person a typical westerner/American? Someone like my cousins - half Mexican, half European? Is there such a thing as a typical American?

I dunno. I'm disappointed.

It brings back a memory of when I was a little girl. My dad works in advertising and he had me and my brother pose for a photoshoot depicting an American family going camping. Well, in my mind (and I don't know if this is exactly accurate, but this was just my impression) everything was good, parents, son, clothing, but not the little chinky looking girl coming out of the tent. Because American families aren't mixed like that - well, at least none that you would want in print media.

I have always felt accepted in my family and out, until an outside force brings it to my attention that I am different. It is the same here. The day to day stuff I know that I am different - in that I am a visitor here and can't speak the language, etc. I look similar, but that is just on the surface, I act and conduct myself very much like a Westerner because, duh, I am a westerner. I am not made to feel unwelcome or like a disappointment (no matter how surface) on the day to day. The kids make me feel loved for who I am, not for how I look. But then, it is only at the meet and greets, the public "face" stuff, and that email when it is brought to my attention that I am not exactly what they want. They want the stereotype. Not me.

Okay, I'm rambling on a little, I am just really disappointed. I do try to understand from the school's perspective that a white face is different and could give the school a higher status, but it just feels so, well, shallow. Racial profiling. That this characteristic + that characteristic = Something better.

This in no way will change my desire to stay in contact with the people who have made such a difference in my life here, but doesn't improve my stance on the administration. The kids. The kids are what's important, at least to me.

So, as one of the first foreign teachers at a middle school in Guyuan, who apparently does not have the "typical Western" appearance, I may not have been able to "give the local people an impressive and remarkable effect" on behalf of the school or boost the status of the school by my appearance, but I am fairly certain that I have been able to make an "impressive and remarkable effect" on the beautiful children I get to work with everyday which is remarkably more important to me than any shallow concerns the administration may have.