Egads, Dude!

T-minus 10 days and counting....

I am actually really, really sad to be leaving Guyuan.

Of course, there are some things that I really won't miss. And, lucky for you, this is a post about one of those things.

Mr. Horse - AKA Math Dude.

Seriously, dude, what's your deal?

Today, I wrapped up things with two more classes (junior two this time, not as tear filled, as I didn't really get to know these kids quite as well). Mr. Horse is the head teacher for one of these classes. I wanted to have the time to be with my students, take some pictures and wrap up the final exam. And, well...

Okay, inhale, getting a little ahead of myself.

I posted a little while ago, after the English competition, that I was afraid that things were going to start up again after that most unfortunate dinner I was duped into with him and another couple of teachers. Well, I'm not happy about being right about things this time.

To recap, the English competition dinner: Confused English about being happy about the students' success and wanting to celebrate. Me thinky - "ooh! Student dinner - fun, fun." Reality: dinner with Horse and another teacher who I don't know. Back story - I had already refused an apology "sit" with Horse ("sit" - a smoke screen that meant dinner).

It is fairly obvious to me, at least, that I put out nothing but a toxic vibe when around him. I think others notice this as well. But he just doesn't GET IT. The big "IT". The big "Stay away from me, I can't stand your presence" or more bluntly, "F-off" type of thing. Seriously, I don't think that I could be more blatant with my attitude or body language than if I flat out said, "Dude, I hate you. Go away. Now."

Alright, now that we have my general comportment on record, let's take a trip down memory lane, shall we? Since the dinner that I really didn't want to be at, he now thinks that I have "forgiven him" for his drunk-ass behavior from October and worse yet, that I am his friend. I honestly, do not know what would possible give him that idea.

So, besides just the routine annoyance of having him seek me out in the common areas of the school, having him dismiss students I am playing with and such, he has brought his game to a whole new irritating level.

So, he has this book called, "Crazy English". He has decided to catch me and interrupt me no matter what I am doing to have me try to explain to him what certain phrases in this book mean. The phrases are usually "hand picked" and of a certain theme. Like: "Oh, you are such a sweet man!" and "what a sweetheart" and something that was the equivalent of "that dress is hot" and the like. Yeah, cherry picked phrases so he can make example sentences with the convenient characters of Ms. Molly and Mr. Horse.

Crrreepy!

The headmaster for the junior school decided to throw a special dinner for all of the junior teachers. All of the junior 1 teachers were in one room and all of the junior 2 teachers were in another. So, I went to dine with all of the junior 1 teachers. Enter Mr. Horse - Junior 2 teacher. The only junior 2 teacher in the room. We thought that he would only be staying for a little while and then retire to the other room. Nope. He stayed. Stayed for the whole dinner. Other teachers made fun of him - "why are you here?" and "go to your room, get out of here!" Nope. He stayed. Sat right across from me. Yup. Stared at me the whole entire dinner. It not only made me feel uncomfortable, but also the other teachers at the table. At the first opportunity for me to leave, one of the English teachers grabbed me and said, "You should leave now". So I am rushed out with the Horse nipping at my heels.

So, fast forward to about 4 weeks ago. I had started to give his class my final exam. It is a talking exam (how else to test spoken English). So, I was taking students in pairs out into the hallway to give them the test. Suddenly, the students stop talking and start gaping. I look up from my stool to find Horse looming over me holding ice cream over my head. I don't know how long he had been there or what, but, I mean, what the hell...? I told him that I really didn't need the ice cream but he insisted. Rather than dragging it out DURING MY CLASS TIME, I accepted it so he would get lost. Nope. Instead, he starts to comment on how he thought that he thought that I must be hot and that he thought that I looked tired, blah blah blah. Finally, I told him that I really must work and that I need him to leave so I can test his students. So, he said that he would come find me after class so we can talk during the free period. Like hell! I slip away down the back staircase as soon as class lets out.

Now, let's jump to last Friday. So, I had written about these mad exams that the kids take to get into University, well the Junior 3 students take one to get into Senior School. So, now that the test is over, they must all be corrected and my school was chosen to be one of the test correction sites. What does this mean? It means that they emptied out the top two floors of the Junior building to accommodate all of the teachers from various schools coming to check the test. Which also meant my office. We had to move all of our stuff down to an office on the second floor. The Junior 2 floor. The Junior 2 office. Mr. Horse's office. *Shudder* He brightly announced that I could share his desk, which was approved despite my protests. Great. Luckily, he was called in to help correct the tests, so I wouldn't have to share space, but I still didn't spend a lot of time around the vicinity for his frequent "check-ins".

Now, last weekend. I was supposed to meet some kids last Saturday at the Junior School. I was a little early so, I waited and helped some of the junior 1 kids get ready for their talent show. I didn't really think that many teachers would be at the school, outside of the Junior 1 teachers. Wrong. Yup. Mr. Horse. He cornered me and when I excused myself he always managed to find me again shortly after. Finally, he asked when I would be leaving Guyuan. So I told him. He then said that he wants to have a special goodbye dinner for his American friend. I told him that it was not necessary. But, sometimes, talking to the Chinese people that I have met here is really more like talking to a Chinese wall (hmmm... walls, something that the Chinese really excel at). So he continued. I continued to refuse. I tried the too busy, not enough time shtick on and on and on. Finally, he relented. I talked my way out of it! Whoo-hoo! Triumph!

I was able to watch my kids perform in peace. A side note: It was strange to look at the packed auditorium, filled with kids and think that I teach them all. That sea of people in front of me - I see each one every week.

Anyhow, back to the story.

Tuesday - I have been going to school during their open period to give my test to those who want to get it over with and, well, to play with the kids on the playground. Which I have found is quite the oddity to the guest teachers correcting exams. They are all puzzled by this "look like Chinese" foreigner, wearing strange clothing, big earrings and playing with kids. So, I am going to leave for the day when one of my fellow English teachers says, "oh you're leaving? I thought that we would walk to Mr. Horse's dinner together." Me, "WHAT!?!?!" She, "Mr. Horse says that we are having a dinner tonight". I tell her that I didn't know anything about it and that I was just too busy to possibly go.

Meanwhile at the bat cave...err...apartment...

Matt gets a call from one of the Senior English teachers who we like. We both know that he was planning some kind of farewell dinner for us and the other English teachers. So, Mr. King invites out to a goodbye dinner. Matt accepts, thinking that this is the dinner. He is told to meet Mr. King out by the Senior gate in about 10 minutes. So, as I am walking home, I meet Matt on the way. He tells me about the farewell dinner with Mr. King. I swear loudly, robustly and with feeling. This is Mr. Horse! This is the dinner that I told him that we were just too busy for. So, knowing that I am refusing, he goes around and pulls this shit. I am furious! I wind up going for only an hour because I needed to go and grade papers. I am so angry I won't even look at him the entire dinner. The next day my English teacher friend wanted to talk about a little to comment on how strange the whole thing was.

Alright, now today.

I am barely in the office, but today I happen to be in there for about a total of 15 minutes. I see Mr. Horse 7 times.

This afternoon. I am early, so I wait in the hall and talk to kids before the next class begins. Mr. Horse is lurking about. I retreat to a different floor. Then, when the bells rings, I go to class. Safe! So, I bring some students out into the hall to give my final. I am in the middle of giving a test and up comes Mr. Horse. He gives me a canned coffee drink and wants to talk. Geez! What is up with this dip shit? Excuse my language. I have seriously censored my usual usage of colorful language for the purposes of this blog, but I am seriously pissed off with this man and "dip shit" is truly the nicest set of words I can manage right now.

I get him to leave and finish up (for the most part) with the exam. I tell my class "goodbye" and leave. As I leave the room, I see Mr. Horse heading down the hall toward me. I run down the staircase and retreat to the playground.

Oh yes, today he reeked of alcohol.

The photo?

This is the gift his "class" gave to me on Teacher's Day. I think that it is an accurate representation of our relationship. One horse trying to run away from the one following it. Or at least that it how I see it.

Well, shit. I'm tired.