Emotional Hotpot

I'm saving this post for last because it is the most difficult for me to write. I don't think I will be able to get through this without tearing up at least a dozen times, one time because of anger, a couple of times from laughter, some from sadness, and most from love.

On Saturday noon I arranged to have a "no teacher" lunch with my kids. We decided to have hot pot because then I could get some of my favorite potato noodles - they think that it is hilarious that my favorite food here is potato noodles.

The previous day on our walk home together, they started to talk about the possibility of having lunch. As the English teachers walked by, they urged me to hurry up and get to the lunch. After they passed, the boys whispered to me in a low voice that this would be a "no teacher" lunch. So then they asked me if they could call something other than teacher. I told them they could call me what ever they would like as long as it was nice, so it was decided that I would be their "Beautiful Sister of the West". After my new title had been established, we set up our plan for Saturday.

I met them after their class let out. They all wanted to go home and change their clothes and we would meet on the corner in half an hour. In the meantime, Sam asked me if I would go with him to visit his home. I told him I would be happy to see his home and a very proud Sam strutted off with me down the street. I have written about Sam before and he is just a sweet, hyper kid who likes to sing and dance and pull down Larry's pants. He's a little taller now and his voice has dropped, but he is still basically the same sweetly naughty child that I got to know and love.

So, I met Sam's parents and let's just say that by meeting them, it explains a lot. It was absolutely one of the most bizarre and hilarious parent meetings that I have encountered. We walked into the apartment, and they weren't expecting me. Sam told them who I was and then they got really excited, like puppy excited. Sam's dad started to talk to me at about a million words per minute and kept on shaking my hand. Sam was trying to get him to stop and calm down. Eventually he pulled his dad into the bedroom and closed the door. Meanwhile, his mom was heaping food into my hands, which Sam promptly took out and returned it to the kitchen. When he returned his dad was back out talking and Sam pulled him back into the bedroom and closed the door which was just long enough for him mom to put more food in my hands which Sam returned to the kitchen. This cycle happened about 5 times before Sam announced that we had to go and basically fled his apartment, trying to shut the door on his parents. Ah, Sam. Always making me smile.

We met the kids at the corner and set off for the restaurant. We took about the longest route possible to make the walk last just a little longer. They shared some music with me and we just chatted away like we do. It didn't seem like any time had passed since our last lunch. They asked me what I wanted to drink - they were saying liquor in Chinese, and I shocked them all when I knew what they were talking about and answered them in Chinese.

The food came, as did some rain, but something felt a little off with the lunchtime conversations. They started to ask me if I liked their English teacher. So I went fishing to see what was up. The English teachers were a little mad? jealous? that the students were having this lunch with me because they would only get one lunch with me because of the short time. I learned that their English teacher had pulled one of my posse boys to the front of the room and laid into him. She told him that his English was too poor for him to go out to lunch with me and that he was just wasting my time when I could be doing more important things. She told him that he had no business wanting to use up all my time because he can barely speak to me. Way to encourage a kid, right?

After I learned about that maddening news, I told them that it's nice to be able to see the teachers, it's nice to see the city again, but really the only reason why I came back to Guyuan was to see them. That they were the single, most important reason for my visit. The only reason why the teachers get to see me is because of the students. This boy was one of my best students, not because he had the best English, but he tried in my class. He volunteered to speak at every opportunity, had a great sense of humor and was really a positive asset to my class. I had to let him know that there was nothing he could do that would be a waste of my time. I valued him and all of the time we have spent together. And no matter what some one else told him, he was special to me and she can't take that away. Then he just hugged me and said "I love you always".

Nobody can tell my boys that they aren't worth my time.

So lunch went on and I was sitting next to two of my most special students, Alex and Bob - one of the original posse members. Alex was one of my Junior 2 students last year and one of the students I was closest to, but he was having some problems, so he was held back a year. At the lunch I noticed that he had quite a stutter, not just in English but in Chinese as well. I also noticed that he was really dominantly left handed. We talked about how his teachers would hit his left hand so hard that he would have to use his right hand for writing. He's had a really hard time in the Chinese educational system. Matt was his brother's teacher and he was perhaps one of the nicest students at the school. If either of them found themselves in the US we would put them up without hesitation.

Alex never really liked English, but at the end of the year he was trying harder so he could speak to me. I gave him my leather cuff and wrote a little message just for him. His brother told me that he wears it all of the time and it is really important to him. He also told me that Alex thought that I was the only teacher who actually gave him a chance and didn't just brush him off as hopeless. Throughout the lunch Alex spoke with me in English. Rather than have someone translate for him, he would ask his friends how to say something to me in English, practice it and then ask me. I was so proud of him.

We took some pictures.

The first to go was Sam - he had to take a test. As Sam was leaving, he started to get a little emotional, so he quickly said goodbye and ran out the door. I ran after him, caught him and gave him a huge hug while we both shared some tears. He whispered in my ear, "I love you, teacher. I don't want you to go." I just hugged him and told him that I would never forget him and I will love him forever. After a little bit we said goodbye.

It was the first of the "I'll probably never see you again" realizations that hit home.

I came back to the room visibly upset, I just couldn't totally regain my composure. The boys were upset that I was upset. They told me that they were all really, really sad, but they couldn't cry because they had to try to be men. It was then that Bob just couldn't look me in the face any more. He told me that he kept the picture of just us in his room where he could always see it...then he choked up and had to stop. He would try to say something, but then just trail off and have to look out the window to just hang on. Alex and another couldn't let go of my hands. We all knew that the inevitable was coming but just couldn't let it happen yet, just have to hold on for a little longer.

To distract us for a little they decided to take a group picture for me to always have. I glanced at it briefly, but had to put it away before it completely developed because I would definitely lose all composure. I still can't look at it.

So at the end of the lunch we walked down the stairs, we still couldn't let go of each other's hands, they walked me out to a cab and we said our goodbyes. I gave them all hugs, each one more hard to let go of. I got into the cab and rolled down the window - they crowded around and grabbed what they could of me - they were blowing kisses and trying to kiss my hands while telling me that they loved me, will miss me and that they didn't want me to leave. Alex grabbed my hands and there was this indescribable change in his face - realization that he would probably never see me again and intense panic and sorrow. I just lost it. He did to. (I'm losing it right now, just thinking about it). I reached out and kissed him on the cheek and just whispered that I would always have a special place in my heart for him and that I would always care and love him.

The cab pulled away while they were still holding on to me. They didn't let go until they had to. As we got down the street, I turned to look back at them and saw something that just got me completely undone, I couldn't bear to look anymore. I saw all of them standing on the side of the street, staring at their feet completely silent and motionless.