So, I have a cold. Nothing too bad, but enough to keep me out of classes for a couple of days as it is very difficult to direct a group of 11 years olds without a loud voice and when one is coughing every 3 seconds. I called my waiban and told her that I had a cold and that I should probably stay home the next day to recover. Easy right? No problem, right? WRONG!
The response I got was definitely not expected or wanted - they kind of freaked out about it. Normally, when I was feeling under the weather in the States I could just call in to my employer and let them know not to expect me that day and my boss would say something like, "Thanks for letting me know, hope you feel better soon." Not at all like what I just experienced here.
I want to interject here that there is no good way to flat out say "no" in Chinese. You can negate a positive like: correct/not correct, want/don't want, etc. But no word that simply means "NO". Anyhow, back to the story.
So, you're sick - nothing too extreme, coughing, sneezing, congestion, general discomfort - you all know what you would be doing to treat this kind of cold. Rest, liquids, maybe some cold medicine, solitary confinement, etc. So, you get into your pajamas - the ultra comfortable lounging pair (the pair that only ever sees the interior of your home), your favorite blanket and pillow, something to drink, box of tissues and remote. Voila! You're set to tackle this thing! When you are in this state the last thing that you want is visitors, much less the entire English department knocking on your door!
Matt went to our tutoring session that afternoon and our tutor was late so he sat in the office and was reviewing his Chinese. Our waiban came in and said hello and told him that she was going to go and see how I was doing. Not thinking too much of that Matt suggested that she call first because I was probably sleeping. Then our waiban went into the other room of the office and was talking to all of the other teachers in there - they all get ready to go out with her. Seeing this, Matt told her that she definitely should call to tell me that they were coming over. He tried to run interference - "she is sick, I don't think that she is up for visitors" and "it is not necessary for all of you to go" and variations of those statements. One of the teachers caught on and said to all of them that since I was not feeling well, that visitors may not be such a good idea. That idea was so quickly ignored that it was as if no one had even suggested something.
Nope, they were determined to come and see me, sick. Matt did stress the importance of calling me, seeing what was taking form in front of him. So she called. She called what would be one pissed off sick person.
The call:
Waiban: Hello Molly! We are coming over now to see you.
Me: Oh, (pause) I just have a cold. It is not necessary.
Waiban: Is necessary, we will be over soon.
Me: No, it really isn't necessary, I am sick, I do not want...
Waiban: 10 minutes, we will be there in 10 minutes.
Me: No, I just have a cold, it is not necessary…
Waiban: Is very necessary, is necessary, is necessary. 10 minutes, goodbye!
Insert - loud ranting, swearing and coughing here.
So, I am madly trying to find something to wear that isn’t my pajamas and pick up a little bit. Matt comes home and tells me that “they” are on their way over. He also fills me in on the “they” part of the mix. We try to pick up a little bit (we weren’t expecting company) and I go back upstairs.
Knock, knock, knock - “Hello? We’re here!” I am still upstairs trying to bring my anger down to a simmer so I can at least pretend to appreciate their concern. Our waiban yells up the stairs - “Molly, it is not necessary for you to come down”. Okay, fine, but then WHY ARE YOU ALL HERE! I just want to be left alone. So they are all chatting downstairs - one of the teachers is telling Matt that he should bring me to the hospital. Matt is disagreeing and the conversation keeps going round and round and round, until finally Matt hollers up the stairs, “Hey Molly, do you want to go to the hospital?” Upstairs, I’m thinking, what??? I YELL back down a very resolute “NO!!!”
Soon, our waiban, announces that she is coming upstairs to see me. So, not able to stop her now, she is in my room, looking at me. The first thing that she says to me is how she is very sorry about me getting so gravely sick. Gravely sick? I have a head and chest cold that we wouldn’t even blink at in the States. I told her that it was not serious, that it was just a cold. She then continues to tell me that I should be warmer because of my very serious illness. Serious illness? I have a cold, just a cold. I try to impress on her that it was just a cold, I have had them before, it was bound to happen working with 800 children a week, etc. She then starts to tuck me in - with all of the blankets that we have! Yes, my waiban, my kind of “boss”, is tucking in a 29 year old adult! She then tells me all of the things that I can eat and cannot eat and inspects my medication - I just wanted them to go, so I started to make up treatments for the various things on my nightstand. She feels my head and tells me that I feel quite hot - well, why would that be? The 7 blankets on top of me? My blistering rage? Then she starts to force the idea of bringing the doctor to my home to give me a check-up. For the love of God! I just have a freaking cold! I adamantly refuse. Then she says as she is getting up to leave, if you are not better by tomorrow, we will have the doctor come over and give you an injection. An injection?! No way. So, losing all appreciative pretense, I respond with a resounding “No, I will refuse any type of injection.” Geez, I have been sick for a day and you want me to go to the hospital and get injections? No way.
Matt leaves with our waiban to go to the pharmacy. She again tries to push the idea of getting an injection. Matt tells her that he is certain that I would not want that. But, no matter, she keeps on with it. They get some medication and she starts interrogating him what he is going to feed me. Let’s just say that they agreed to disagree on much of the food, medication and treatment for me, with a simple cold. Finally, Matt heads home with the medication, with our waiban making me chicken soup because Matt is incapable, and with the parting comment that if I am not feeling better by tomorrow, she will call and set up for a doctor to come to give me an injection.
What happened to get a lot of rest and drink plenty of fluids?
She did mention to Matt that this is Chinese custom - to visit someone when they are sick. As it seems to me, it is really to ignore what the sick person wants, irritate her, and do what you want to do anyway. I know that the intention is to be thoughtful and concerned, but oh-wowie, this is just too much, especially for a cranky sicky.
So, all of this drama over a little cold. It made think, what would they do if there was an actual emergency? They kinda freaked out with my cold, so what if I got the paralysis again? What if I had an asthma attack? Well, I guess that we will never know as Matt and I will be working no matter how sick, no matter what the problem is from now on just to avoid this kind of attention. My goodness, it truly feels like they think that we are totally incapable of anything. We ask a question about food and the attitude is that the foreigners aren’t able to feed themselves. We want to go on vacation, but we have to call and “check-in” everyday. I get a cold and you would think, by the response, that I was on my death bed. I keep on telling myself that they are just concerned for our well-being and they have good intentions. But in this particular case, the road to my personal hell is certainly paved with their good intentions. I just want to sleep, drink plenty of fluids and be left alone to be sick.
I hope that an apple day will keep everyone away from here on out.
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