How Guyuan Stole Christmas

Happy Holidays!

I hope that everyone had a wonderful holiday! Not much holiday celebration here, but Santa is quite the rock star in Guyuan. For our Christmas Eve feast Matt and I had ramen and for Christmas Day - yup, Dico's. I have a feeling that we will be quite busy for New Year's as the invitations are starting to pile up.

The school did have a party that we were "invited" to go to - meaning, we were told that we were required to go and prepare a performance. We were led to believe that it was a small get together with the English department, but, as with much here, that wasn't quite the entire truth. They told us that to get us to say "yes", but then we found out that really it was really in the auditorium in front of a crowd of about 600 teachers, students and administrators. Small get together is was not.

So, we were getting all sorts of pressure to perform a Christmas carol and make a speech about how much we adore the school. I really didn't want to, especially since I was still not feeling very well (and have not forgiven them for the sick visit episode). So, I decided that this is when I would make my stand and resist like nothing else. Stone wall. Yup. That's me. I said that I would say a few words after they fessed up that they wanted to give us Christmas gifts. But sing? Nope. Nada. No way. No how. I put my foot down in a bad way. I know that I was a little harsh, but they really do not give you a graceful way out of anything, so you just have to be blunt (rude). Long story short, I told them that I found it very humiliating to but put on display like they wanted me to be and that there was no way that I would do it. So, what happened after that? They turned to Matt and said, "so you will sing then". Ahhhhhh!!! Then told me that I would go up on stage and sway with them as they sing. How lame is that? Honestly. Sway? I said told them that I will get on the stage once to give my remarks, and that would be all. No swaying, no tricking me into singing. Period.

So, Matt agreed to sing a short song - We Wish You a Merry Christmas, with some of the teachers in his department. As the days to the dreaded event ticked down, both of our attitudes became more and more foul. If only you could hear some of the things we were saying to our light fixtures (I don't dare to have a written record of our comments). Then, poof! Matt got my cold. And, poof! His voice was gone.

That Friday, my English department had a dinner that I was told that I must attend because the head master wanted to present something to Matt and me. I told the head of my department that I was still not well and that Matt had just come down with my cold and is not well. She told us that "it doesn't matter" and that we are to meet them at 6:00 PM to go to dinner. I said that we really can't be out late as we are both sick. She told me that it should only take about an hour or so.

So, we go to the dinner (really not happy about it) and sit around and look at the food. No one is really speaking in English and Matt and I are too tired and sick to really even want to speak to each other, much less eat. We are hopeful to make our exit as the hour rounds, but, shit - the headmaster shows up and the dice shakers come out. We sit there for the next three hours coughing and sneezing - miserable. But, they really don't care about how we are feeling as long as they get their way. They wanted us to be there no matter how horrible we were feeling. There wasn't even any recognition that we may want to go home to rest. Three hours later we were permitted to go home.

Saturday afternoon we get a call from our waiban - she's coming over in 10 minutes (at least she called first so we have time to get out of our pajamas). She comes over and tells us that there is a lunch on Sunday that we must go to. Why? Because some teacher in the history department, who we have never met, just published a book in English, that we have never read. She told us that we were on the itinerary to make a speech about how good the book is. Great. There goes our weekend, consumed by school events. No consideration for our schedule or that it is our holiday (this is another example of why I feel that they think they own us). If we were homesick, this would be just horrible to go through. Anyhow, we stressed that this is a major holiday time in the US when people get together with family and since we were not at home this year, our families would be calling on Sunday. This didn't really phase her - she continued as if we hadn't even said anything and told us that it should take about 1 hour (which means 3 hours at minimum). We pressed on with our protest. She left with us not at all pleased, but, hey, she was getting her way - we were going to their event for an hour. We did make a very blunt point to her about telling us about things ahead of time. Otherwise we cannot guarantee that we would be able to accommodate them.

So, back to Matt's voice, or lack thereof. When he brought this problem to our waiban she said that "it doesn't matter". Which has come to mean, it doesn't matter that you are sick, you will do it any way. So, Matt, with a fever and no voice, was forced up onto the stage and was told to lip sync the words. Good idea in theory. The chorus was made up of Chinese women, all with very high singing voices. So, Matt lip syncing to their voices...? So, my waiban got a program to show us when we will need to be on stage. She noticed that my name was "accidentally" printed on the program to sing. Whoops! I did the good ol' Chinese, "it doesn't matter, I will just stay here and watch."

So, how did the performance go? Let's just say that it was a thoroughly humiliating experience for my poor husband. They all pointed and laughed as if they has never seen anything so funny. I think that I am pretty safe in saying that there will be NO more performances from their monkeys - errr - foreign teachers.

Later that night, after the performance, we got a call. Our waiban. She told us that they cancelled the lunch on Sunday. So, just because we didn't want to go, they cancelled it. They planned an entire event that depended on us being there to endorse something that we have never read without even asking us if we could come. Whew! Sometimes it feels to me that they think that they own us. I don't like it. They are very friendly, but their hospitality is just overwhelming! I have told the light fixtures my thoughts on that many times.

Quite a therapeutic hobby, actually. Y'know, talking to the light fixtures. Because if someone is listening, well, shame, shame, you shouldn't be spying in the first place and if there are no monitoring devices, I am just venting to an inanimate object - no harm, no foul.