Egads, Dude!

T-minus 10 days and counting....

I am actually really, really sad to be leaving Guyuan.

Of course, there are some things that I really won't miss. And, lucky for you, this is a post about one of those things.

Mr. Horse - AKA Math Dude.

Seriously, dude, what's your deal?

Today, I wrapped up things with two more classes (junior two this time, not as tear filled, as I didn't really get to know these kids quite as well). Mr. Horse is the head teacher for one of these classes. I wanted to have the time to be with my students, take some pictures and wrap up the final exam. And, well...

Okay, inhale, getting a little ahead of myself.

I posted a little while ago, after the English competition, that I was afraid that things were going to start up again after that most unfortunate dinner I was duped into with him and another couple of teachers. Well, I'm not happy about being right about things this time.

To recap, the English competition dinner: Confused English about being happy about the students' success and wanting to celebrate. Me thinky - "ooh! Student dinner - fun, fun." Reality: dinner with Horse and another teacher who I don't know. Back story - I had already refused an apology "sit" with Horse ("sit" - a smoke screen that meant dinner).

It is fairly obvious to me, at least, that I put out nothing but a toxic vibe when around him. I think others notice this as well. But he just doesn't GET IT. The big "IT". The big "Stay away from me, I can't stand your presence" or more bluntly, "F-off" type of thing. Seriously, I don't think that I could be more blatant with my attitude or body language than if I flat out said, "Dude, I hate you. Go away. Now."

Alright, now that we have my general comportment on record, let's take a trip down memory lane, shall we? Since the dinner that I really didn't want to be at, he now thinks that I have "forgiven him" for his drunk-ass behavior from October and worse yet, that I am his friend. I honestly, do not know what would possible give him that idea.

So, besides just the routine annoyance of having him seek me out in the common areas of the school, having him dismiss students I am playing with and such, he has brought his game to a whole new irritating level.

So, he has this book called, "Crazy English". He has decided to catch me and interrupt me no matter what I am doing to have me try to explain to him what certain phrases in this book mean. The phrases are usually "hand picked" and of a certain theme. Like: "Oh, you are such a sweet man!" and "what a sweetheart" and something that was the equivalent of "that dress is hot" and the like. Yeah, cherry picked phrases so he can make example sentences with the convenient characters of Ms. Molly and Mr. Horse.

Crrreepy!

The headmaster for the junior school decided to throw a special dinner for all of the junior teachers. All of the junior 1 teachers were in one room and all of the junior 2 teachers were in another. So, I went to dine with all of the junior 1 teachers. Enter Mr. Horse - Junior 2 teacher. The only junior 2 teacher in the room. We thought that he would only be staying for a little while and then retire to the other room. Nope. He stayed. Stayed for the whole dinner. Other teachers made fun of him - "why are you here?" and "go to your room, get out of here!" Nope. He stayed. Sat right across from me. Yup. Stared at me the whole entire dinner. It not only made me feel uncomfortable, but also the other teachers at the table. At the first opportunity for me to leave, one of the English teachers grabbed me and said, "You should leave now". So I am rushed out with the Horse nipping at my heels.

So, fast forward to about 4 weeks ago. I had started to give his class my final exam. It is a talking exam (how else to test spoken English). So, I was taking students in pairs out into the hallway to give them the test. Suddenly, the students stop talking and start gaping. I look up from my stool to find Horse looming over me holding ice cream over my head. I don't know how long he had been there or what, but, I mean, what the hell...? I told him that I really didn't need the ice cream but he insisted. Rather than dragging it out DURING MY CLASS TIME, I accepted it so he would get lost. Nope. Instead, he starts to comment on how he thought that he thought that I must be hot and that he thought that I looked tired, blah blah blah. Finally, I told him that I really must work and that I need him to leave so I can test his students. So, he said that he would come find me after class so we can talk during the free period. Like hell! I slip away down the back staircase as soon as class lets out.

Now, let's jump to last Friday. So, I had written about these mad exams that the kids take to get into University, well the Junior 3 students take one to get into Senior School. So, now that the test is over, they must all be corrected and my school was chosen to be one of the test correction sites. What does this mean? It means that they emptied out the top two floors of the Junior building to accommodate all of the teachers from various schools coming to check the test. Which also meant my office. We had to move all of our stuff down to an office on the second floor. The Junior 2 floor. The Junior 2 office. Mr. Horse's office. *Shudder* He brightly announced that I could share his desk, which was approved despite my protests. Great. Luckily, he was called in to help correct the tests, so I wouldn't have to share space, but I still didn't spend a lot of time around the vicinity for his frequent "check-ins".

Now, last weekend. I was supposed to meet some kids last Saturday at the Junior School. I was a little early so, I waited and helped some of the junior 1 kids get ready for their talent show. I didn't really think that many teachers would be at the school, outside of the Junior 1 teachers. Wrong. Yup. Mr. Horse. He cornered me and when I excused myself he always managed to find me again shortly after. Finally, he asked when I would be leaving Guyuan. So I told him. He then said that he wants to have a special goodbye dinner for his American friend. I told him that it was not necessary. But, sometimes, talking to the Chinese people that I have met here is really more like talking to a Chinese wall (hmmm... walls, something that the Chinese really excel at). So he continued. I continued to refuse. I tried the too busy, not enough time shtick on and on and on. Finally, he relented. I talked my way out of it! Whoo-hoo! Triumph!

I was able to watch my kids perform in peace. A side note: It was strange to look at the packed auditorium, filled with kids and think that I teach them all. That sea of people in front of me - I see each one every week.

Anyhow, back to the story.

Tuesday - I have been going to school during their open period to give my test to those who want to get it over with and, well, to play with the kids on the playground. Which I have found is quite the oddity to the guest teachers correcting exams. They are all puzzled by this "look like Chinese" foreigner, wearing strange clothing, big earrings and playing with kids. So, I am going to leave for the day when one of my fellow English teachers says, "oh you're leaving? I thought that we would walk to Mr. Horse's dinner together." Me, "WHAT!?!?!" She, "Mr. Horse says that we are having a dinner tonight". I tell her that I didn't know anything about it and that I was just too busy to possibly go.

Meanwhile at the bat cave...err...apartment...

Matt gets a call from one of the Senior English teachers who we like. We both know that he was planning some kind of farewell dinner for us and the other English teachers. So, Mr. King invites out to a goodbye dinner. Matt accepts, thinking that this is the dinner. He is told to meet Mr. King out by the Senior gate in about 10 minutes. So, as I am walking home, I meet Matt on the way. He tells me about the farewell dinner with Mr. King. I swear loudly, robustly and with feeling. This is Mr. Horse! This is the dinner that I told him that we were just too busy for. So, knowing that I am refusing, he goes around and pulls this shit. I am furious! I wind up going for only an hour because I needed to go and grade papers. I am so angry I won't even look at him the entire dinner. The next day my English teacher friend wanted to talk about a little to comment on how strange the whole thing was.

Alright, now today.

I am barely in the office, but today I happen to be in there for about a total of 15 minutes. I see Mr. Horse 7 times.

This afternoon. I am early, so I wait in the hall and talk to kids before the next class begins. Mr. Horse is lurking about. I retreat to a different floor. Then, when the bells rings, I go to class. Safe! So, I bring some students out into the hall to give my final. I am in the middle of giving a test and up comes Mr. Horse. He gives me a canned coffee drink and wants to talk. Geez! What is up with this dip shit? Excuse my language. I have seriously censored my usual usage of colorful language for the purposes of this blog, but I am seriously pissed off with this man and "dip shit" is truly the nicest set of words I can manage right now.

I get him to leave and finish up (for the most part) with the exam. I tell my class "goodbye" and leave. As I leave the room, I see Mr. Horse heading down the hall toward me. I run down the staircase and retreat to the playground.

Oh yes, today he reeked of alcohol.

The photo?

This is the gift his "class" gave to me on Teacher's Day. I think that it is an accurate representation of our relationship. One horse trying to run away from the one following it. Or at least that it how I see it.

Well, shit. I'm tired.

What are they doing?

What are they doing?

Watch the video

Just thought that I would capture one of the more entertaining things for me to watch on my Tuesdays (well, other than Sam dancing). Between my 3rd and 4th period classes, the kids have an extended passing time to clean the classrooms and do these "eye exercises".

I love watching them do this to no end. One time they showed me what to do so I could do it with them, but everyone was laughing so hard it wasn't very successful. Usually I just peek into the classroom while they are doing them and they will try to wave while rubbing the eye area, and yes, they do wind up poking themselves in the eyes.

The video is a little long and a little bumpy (I was walking around recording), so watch what you can - and follow along!

Yi...er...san...si...wu...liu...!

Entertainment?

Just a blickie (blog quickie) -

Today it was actually raining hard here, which is really needed as the region is in serious drought.

and...

...my umbrella was a source of entertainment for 20 minutes.

My kids have never used a push button operated umbrella before. They also played with it all the way home.

More pictures on flickr - soonish.

Hard Core English!

More testing today. I am really surprised that so many kids have been coming during their free period. I mean, when I was their age, taking a test would be the last thing that I would want to do when I don't have class. In the past two days, I have tested over 160 kids.

Some highlights from today's testing:

The English teachers have all been really impressed with the kids listening comprehension and speaking abilities. Today, one of the Junior 3 teachers said that her students were not able to answer similar oral questions as well as the kids that I have been working with.

Students have been passing along the information that the Timberwolves are my hometown basketball team, so some of the boys all wore Timberwolves jerseys and made a little English song about basketball, my team, me, and English.

Some of my Junior 3 girls came up to see me (it was their last day of school). We had a really excellent chat. It was good to see them again as I probably won't see them again.

A boy from my junior 1 class 3 (boy pictured above) came in with a bandaged head and a big 4 inch, bloody gash on his head. He was in the hospital or something and got his parents to bring him back to school just to take my English test at an optional test time. I told him to go home and I would test him during his class time next week. But he said that he wanted to see me so he came. So, part of the conversation was the question, "how's it going?" he pointed at his head and replied, "just so-so". I'd say! He said that he was hit with something.

Last, after I finished testing another student, I told him that he did a very good job and he threw his arms around me and I gave him a big hug. The other teachers started to laugh and applaud. He got embarrassed and ran out of the office. When I left, he was outside waiting for me and said, "thank you teacher!" before running down the stairs.

I guess that is all for today. Tomorrow morning I have a brunch with some of the kids from my class 5. They are really excited about it, they have been visiting me at school to remind me and emailing me about it. Then, in the afternoon, I am climbing the hill with some more kids from class 6 (wish me luck, I don't think that I will be able to race up like they will want to).

Nauseating Fun

So, I am finally getting around to writing about last weekend, now that this weekend is almost here. I have been busy giving my final exams. It has been going okay - the kids cheat like crazy though. But more on that later.

Last weekend...Matt and I went out for lunch with some of my students from my lovely class 6 (junior 1). We went to have hotpot and then went to a new arcade at the mall. After, we all went to the park. It was fun! We took out some paddle boats and the boys acted exactly as 12 year olds boys should act. Also, we took a ride in some bumper cars - Matt and my car quickly turned into the target car to hit. Then, well, the nausea. There was much discussion leading up to the event. The result? We all wound up boarding one of those ship rides that rocks back and forth and arcs higher and higher until you want to puke. I was never too keen on those kinds of rides in my youth - more of a twirling ride kinda gal than a fast drop ride kind of gal. So, you can only imagine how the ride went over in my 20+ year older self. Yeah, exactly. I think that my kids forget that I am more than twice their age.

Anyhow, it was fun to hang out with some of my favorite students and will do so again this coming weekend.

So the finals. They cheat. Bad. But I guess that it doesn't really matter as our grades don't really count anyhow. Which brings me back to: why am I giving an exam exactly?

I have been speaking to each student individually to get an idea of their conversation abilities. But, the kids are upset that I am leaving and some of the sessions have been full of tears (mostly theirs). It is getting really difficult as some of them have been pleading with me to stay. It will be a hard few weeks as I have inadvertently become the adoptive sister to about 700 kids give or take. Many of my girls have taken my first name as their English name and many of my boys have started to use my surname on papers (and not just on papers for my class).

What else...I have been encouraging my students to come to the English office to take their spoken test during their free period so we can have a fun class at the end. So about 60 students showed up today. It was fun! I got to weave in and out of J1 and J2 conversations and later one of the teachers told me that her J2 students (who I only see every other week) were envious of my J1 students (who I get to see every week) because the J1s could speak and comprehend at my (very close to) normal speaking rate and they could not. They were really, really shocked that the J1s speaking ability was so much higher than theirs. She then told me that she thought that my classes were the reason. Whoo-hoo! Yes, I'm telling you this to brag.

Hmmm...I brought my Polaroid camera to school (thanks, Jerry!). Man did that go over big! I was mobbed. Not exaggerating. I chose one student to man the camera and then took photos with tons of kids. One of the students then showed the picture with me to his head teacher (one of the English teachers). She said that he ran over to her after class and said "Teacher, teacher I want to show you a photo, please wait for me to get it!" Then he ran and pulled out the Polaroid and exclaimed, "This is me and Miss Molly! Look how happy my face is - I can't believe it!” :-) I just don't think that University students can even begin to compete with the cuteness. *sigh* I will miss my 800 kids.

Nail Biting

The National Exam is over!

I can hear the loud music and singing from the probable celebrations as I type this. This is the exam, the one that they all prepare for throughout their pre-university schooling. It's crazy!

The exam takes place over three days. All of the other senior students are excused from classes and are actually barred from entering the school grounds (unless they live in the dorms). The street in front of the school is blocked (so there is no traffic noise) with a police person standing watch to make sure no one sneaks through. The gate is locked except for when they let students in and out (or for the curious foreign teacher wandering around).

Parents take the testing days off and wait outside of the gate. There were small crowds of people all squatting on the sidewalk outside of the school, waiting for their child to finish the test. Everyone is tense. Just walking through the campus was eerie. No noise. None. At all.

Things were even quiet on the Junior campus - even they recognize the seriousness of The Test. The children were doing all of the things they generally do out on the playground, but not really making any noise. Spooky. Really spooky.

Anyhow, the test is now over and now they wait for the results - dwell on the test and over think what they did wrong. I hope there aren't any suicides. That would be horrible. I am worried about one of the students Matt and I had conversation practice with. These kids have so much stress - more than I ever had at their age. They prematurely go grey because of the stress. I am thinking about bringing up the idea of peer counseling to our waiban. When given the opportunity to talk about problems, they are startling open about what they are feeling and want to talk about whatever is on their minds, but they really do not have the opportunity to do so.

Anyhow, The Test is now done. The Junior 3 test to get into Senior School is coming up next (they only get one crack at that test).

Article about THE TEST

In China, students failing the stress test
Teenager’s suicide underscores concerns about student worry over exams

Associated Press
Updated: 7:46 p.m. ET June 7, 2006

SHANGHAI, China - A teenager’s suicide after being barred from a key high school exam for not tying back her hair underscores the intense pressure on millions of Chinese who began taking annual college entrance tests Wednesday.

Worries are rising about academic stress. There are 2.6 million places at China’s universities, but the competition is fierce — 9.5 million youths are taking the three-day exams that are widely viewed as crucial to career and financial success.
Although 16-year-old Wu Wenwen’s suicide occurred in January, during high school end-of-term tests, it is resonating during this week’s college exams.

According to her family and newspaper accounts, Wenwen drowned herself after she was stopped at the exam room door because her hair wasn’t tied back as her school required.
She returned in barrettes, but was told the exam had started and she was too late to take it. Wenwen phoned her mother in tears, and then disappeared. Her body was found that night in a nearby lake.

As in Japan and South Korea, schooling in China has become a nail-bitingly stressful ordeal for children and parents alike, one that experts say causes undue emotional distress.

“Pressure from study and exams is a top reason for psychological problems among Chinese youth,” said Jin Wuguan, director of the Youth Psychological Counseling Center at Shanghai’s Ruijin Hospital.

Parents even murdered
In China’s increasingly success-oriented cities, academic stress is seen as a rising cause of youth suicides and even murders of parents by children unhinged by overwhelming pressure to perform.

China doesn’t keep comprehensive statistics on student suicides, but Jin said health care professionals see the problem worsening, even among elementary students.
Most Chinese schools still lack counselors and teachers receive little training in spotting emotional distress, Jin said. Parents are little help, often piling on pressure while ignoring their children’s emotional development, he said.

“It’s a basic unwillingness or inability to recognize and deal with emotional problems,” Jin said.

Wang Yufeng, at Peking University’s Institute of Mental Health, estimates the rate of emotional disorders such as depression and paranoia among Chinese students under age 17 at up to 32 percent — a total of 30 million students.

Others say the figure may be as high as 50 percent. A survey last year by the government said nearly 58 percent of students felt highly stressed by academic pressures.

Chinese youth now enjoy greater material comfort and personal freedoms than their parents’ generation, but are more emotionally fragile, experts say.

Today's concerns: tests, work, relationships
Students educated before economic reforms began in the early 1980s were raised amid austerity and ideals of self-sacrifice. Under the job-assignment system prevailing until the early 1990s, graduates could expect the Communist Party to decide their futures.
Today’s Chinese teens are largely preoccupied with the same worries as their Western counterparts — exams, jobs and the opposite sex.

“Kids these days haven’t been through what we went through. Their hearts haven’t been toughened up and they’re distracted by all these other concerns,” Wenwen’s father, Wu Lijun, said in an interview.

Wu blames Wenwen’s school, the elite No. 7 Middle School in the eastern city of Wenzhou, for her suicide. He accuses the exam proctor of taking an overly harsh attitude and says school officials should have kept track of his daughter’s whereabouts.

Wu has sued the school and local education bureau over the death. A hearing was held in April, but no verdict has been announced.

School and bureau officials wouldn’t comment pending a ruling in the case. They refused to give their names because they weren’t authorized to speak to media.

Officials played down suicide
Wenwen’s case was front-page news in Wenzhou, sparking newspaper commentaries and heated discussion in online forums. But the coverage stopped after the lawsuit was filed — a likely sign that communist officials wanted to end talk about such a sensitive issue.

Students aren’t the only ones stressing over exams. Many parents take time off from work to help their children study, book them into hotels close to exam halls, and even petition to have traffic kept from near downtown schools to keep the area quiet during the tests.

Amid a budding debate over the wisdom of putting so much emphasis on the exams, counselors are reaching out through a medium most popular with teens: the Internet.

“This is such an important exam, it’s crucial to reduce anxiety to the lowest level possible,” Tsinghua University psychiatrist Li Yan said on the Web site “Emotional Navigation for Exam Takers,” hosted by the official People’s Daily newspaper.

“You need to lay down your burdens and just show them what you know,” Li said.

© 2006 The Associated Press. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.

Dragon Boat Festival

So, what do you do for the dragon boat festival when there is no water source?

I don't have an answer. Not feeling too clever right now.

The dragon boat festival was interesting. My kids gave me bracelets made out of colored string and many shoved steamed rice cakes in my face. It was fun and sticky. One of the teachers gave me a little dragon because of the festival and because I am year of the dragon. When my kids found out that I was year of the dragon they started to applaud. Freaks. They get excited over this strangest things.

Also, there were many willow branches in doorways. I was told it was to keep the ghosts out. I think some of my kids got a little carried away with this - one of the classrooms had so many branches you couldn't open the door very well.

Anyhow, that was last week. I have just been too lazy to put this up. This week...ummm....I have been breaking the news to all of my kids about my departure. This has been met with a lot of tears and protests. Lots of "but why?" and "no, you don't go", "we don't want a new teacher", and the heartbreaking "but I love you, do you have to go?" At least my announcement has been met with this kind of reaction rather than applause.

What else...one of my students got into trouble today. Apparently he took a potted plant and dumped it out onto his desk and threw some of the dirt. He was sent to the headmaster's office and then his mother was called into school. None of the teachers could get him to say why he did it, so I am to try to talk to him sometime (the students told a teacher that I'm the only teacher he likes).

Anyhow, hopefully I will be able to finish some of the half completed posts I started earlier this week and post them later this weekend.

WHEEEEEE!!!!!

So, another week comes to a close. We are ever more suspicious about the level of monitoring going on in our home and my kids continue to provide me with material.

So, classes went pretty well this week, well, all but one. There was only five minutes left of class, but I just could not take it anymore. I walked out. I just couldn't babysit any longer. The kids in that class can do everything that I want them to do, they just chose not to do anything and to mock me instead. Yea, fun! I was fed up and left. Later two of my kids came to the English office to talk with me and their head teacher about class. One of the boys was really upset and was crying a little bit. It turns out that this boy thought that I was mad at him for his drawing on the black board (class activity). He thought that I left class because of him. He was really upset and teared up every time I looked at him. I tried to reassure them that they did not do anything wrong, I was not mad at him (he and his friend always do a good job in class) for his drawing, and that they did not need to apologize for anything. Eventually, they seemed to feel better and they left the office.

Later, both of the boys met me in the hallway while I waited for one of my Junior 2 classes to start. They wanted to make sure that everything was okay and that I wasn't angry with them. The little boy was starting to tear up again, so I asked him if he wanted a hug. He said "no", so I asked him again - "Are you sure you don't want a hug?" and held my arms open. Then the tears started to run down his cheeks and he nodded "yes" and ran into me with open arms.

Okay.

Class successes: Not too many. English cheerleader - Go! Verbs Go! (get it?) Anyhow, I'm a dork. So, in class I can be a bit of a spaz sometimes - but I want to get them animated because they sit stationary for long periods of time. I like to run around class and try to get people talking. I also like to work with the kids who don't really have people to work with. So, I have a little conversation practice with a girl and guy in the back of the classroom because they won't talk to each other. Everyone stopped talking to watch what I was doing - after getting them refocused on what the class should be doing, I went back to talk with the pair. The kids around me told me that they were both really shy. When I had the groups present, they didn't present together, but the boy volunteered at every single opportunity even though his English wasn't the best. At the end of class all of the students gave him a round of applause for his effort.

My oh my!

Okay next: Children's Day

Today is Children's Day. Some of my kids had exams today (junior 2) so their special day was, well, not. But I was invited to attend and chaperone movie afternoon for the Junior 1 students. Me, about 5 other adults and 500 hyper children. Interesting.

One of the other English teachers who I work with invited me to come along with her class - but I didn't know how to get to the theater, so she asked her kids who could meet me at the school and take a cab with me out to the movies, she told me that about 45 student hands shot up in the air all at once. She laughed as she has never been able to get that kind of response to a question before. She picked one kid who lived near the school, and then, she said, experienced one of the biggest groans from the disappointed students.

So, I met the student outside of the gate and we set out for the movie theater. He was talking to the cab driver about how I was his foreign teacher from America, but I how I am actually Korean. He played translator for us and I gave him praise for his English. When we got out of the cab, he held the door open for me and announced
very loudly, "After you Ms. Molly!" to get the attention of his classmates. He was so proud that he got to bring the foreign teacher - cute. This was greeted with a lot of applause.

So, all 600 students were standing outside of the theater in rank, waiting to be let in. Finally they are allowed in by class. I go with my class 5. Immediately, I am greeted with, "Teacher Molly, here!" "Teacher Molly, here!"

So, the movie. I didn't really get it. I mean, my favorite part was watching an old man suture a ceramic bowl (the conservation geek in me). Other than that, well, Zhang Zi Yi runs a lot.... Also the kids' response was entertaining. They applauded for, well, anything. They applauded when Zhang Zi Yi first showed up on screen, when her love interest showed up on screen (followed shortly by laughter), when she started running, when she fell down, when she started running, when she got water, when she started running, when she made him dinner, when he gave her a barrette, when she started running, when she fell down, when she fixed up the school room, when she put up paper cuts in the window, when she started running....

Anyhow, the movie was not too interesting, except for the bowl repair, but I loved being there with all of the kids and watching/listening to them. Far more entertaining. Also, I had a lap full of food and drink that the kids pushed on me which also kept me quite entertained.

I was also informed that I must attend a dinner tonight for all of the Junior 1 and Junior 2 teachers. It was okay. This time I went sans Matt. My first adult dinner without the white guy. The dinners are pretty boring, the English teachers try to include me, but it gets exhausting for them to constantly funnel conversation for me. So, I sit and look at the chicken feet on the lazy susan. Every now and then one of the other non-English teachers would shout out random English phrases for my benefit, but other than that, not too much in the way of excitement. Mr. Math was there. And, well, he didn't spend a whole lot of time in the room for Junior 2 teachers and, instead, spent a lot of time staring at me. A bit unnerving, y'know to be constantly stared at. It seemed to be making some of the other teachers a little uncomfortable too, but he didn't break gaze. So, staring, dice game - yup, you could say that I graciously took the first opportunity to jump ship and head home with my bag of pigeon (?) and chicken feet to give to Matt.

Anyhow, now I can officially start my long weekend!

English Humor

Hello again!

So, this week my senior students are learning about English humor. Matt and I looked through their book and determined that the lesson was, well, super lame. I mean we weren't familiar with the jokes, nor were they funny. So, we prepared some jokes, puns, tongue twister and riddles for the students.

The joke that my class like the best was:

A woman got on a bus, holding a baby.
The bus driver said, "That's the ugliest baby I've ever seen."
In a huff, the woman slammed her fare into the fare box and took an aisle seat near the rear of the bus.
The man seated next to her sensed that she was agitated and asked her what was wrong.
"The bus driver insulted me," she fumed.
The man sympathized and said, "Why, he's a public servant and shouldn't say things to insult passengers."
"You're right," she said. "I think I'll go back up there and give him a piece of my mind."
"That's a good idea," the man said. "Here, let me hold your monkey."

It was really funny to watch them "get" the joke. It was like a wave swept through he classroom and left in its wake a bunch of children laughing.

The other joke they really liked was:

One day a student was taking a very difficult exam. At the end of the exam, the teacher asked all the students to put their pencils down and immediately give him their tests. The young man kept writing furiously, although he was told that if he did not stop immediately he would fail. He ignored the warning, finished the test 10
minutes later, and went to hand the test to his teacher. The teacher told him he would not take the test.

The student asked, "Do you know who I am?"
The teacher said, "No and I don't care."
The student asked again, "Are you sure you don't know who I am?"

The teacher again said no. So the student walked over to the pile of tests, placed his in the middle, then threw the papers in the air.

"Good" the student said, and walked out. He passed.

I think they got a kick out of that one because they have exams coming up.

Anyhow, another short week for me as the junior school has exams. So, until next time, my dear readers.

Back in Business!

For all of you who were wondering, I just wanted to let you know that the "nook" is back in business in Guyuan!

So, drop trow and saddle up!

I feel really bad for the street sweepers.

Mmmmm...ripe!

Go Get Your Gris-Gris On!

Do you voodoo? Zhongguo says, "NO!"

Enjoy!

Curse of the Bureaucrats
Voodoo dolls are all the rage in China—especially now that the government has banned them.

Web Exclusive
By Quindlan Krovatin
Special to Newsweek
Updated: 6:45 p.m. ET May 24, 2006

May 24, 2006 - Not content with jailing subversive reporters and restricting access to prodemocracy Web sites, the Chinese government has turned its attentions to a new destabilizing influence: voodoo dolls. Central government authorities are so bothered by the political implications of the dolls that they banned them entirely from Beijing's retail stores in April.

The dolls have become increasingly popular among the Middle Kingdom's misanthropes and trend-conscious teens. Customers purchase a doll (pin included), attach a piece of paper bearing the name of their enemy to the doll and then stab away. Voodoo Dolls Online offers a wide range of dolls in assorted colors. "Do you want to make your enemy feel as if someone is always stalking him behind his back?" reads the caption next to a doll clad in black. " 'The Magic Shadow Killer' will thoroughly destroy his spirit." Another popular item is the "Little Angel," which purportedly brings good luck and helps its owner find true love.

Authorities at Beijing's Industrial and Commercial Management Department claim the dolls encourage superstition and "promote feudalism and feudal beliefs." When officials first cracked down on the import of dolls from Thailand two months ago, Chinese entrepreneurs filled the growing demand by making the toys themselves, wrapping colorful yarn around wire skeletons and adorning each with a crude felt heart. The toys were a marvel of marketing: told that one doll could not be used to harm multiple enemies, the youths who bought them kept coming back for new ones as their hit lists grew in length. Moreover, some stores offered protective dolls that could ward off attacks from other would-be witch doctors.

But now even these homegrown innovators are under attack. In April, after receiving complaints from concerned parents, the Beijing Industrial and Commercial Management Department confiscated all dolls still on sale in the city and issued strict warnings to toy vendors. "We have been told we will be fined and even imprisoned if we continue to sell voodoo dolls," says Huang Xiaoli, a saleswoman in a toy store in the Xidan Mingzhu Market. "The police are serious," she adds. "This is not like pirated DVDs, where the authorities say 'Do not sell these,' and then look the other way while people sell them. Policemen have visited me twice since the ban took effect in April. They really believe voodoo dolls can hurt children." Five separate toy merchants from various parts of Beijing confirmed the ban. A Ministry of Commerce official would not elaborate on its policy toward the dolls—a common practice when authorities are asked about politically sensitive decisions—but by way of explanation he directed a reporter to a law prohibiting the sale of items that foster what the government sees as feudal thought.

Voodoo dolls can still be purchased in cities outside of Beijing, such as Shenzhen and Guangzhou, where central-government policy can be slower to take hold, but already citizens across the country are calling for the Communist Party to enforce a nationwide ban. The Guangdong Provincial Communist Youth League Committee issued a public statement on May 4, the anniversary of China's liberation from imperial rule, calling for a boycott of voodoo dolls and labeling those who buy them "a disgrace to socialism for believing in feudal superstitions."

However, as is the case with all outlawed vices, the sale of voodoo dolls continues to flourish on the Internet. Web sites hawking the dolls have proliferated, customers can bid on dolls on auction Web sites such as eBay and China's Alibaba, and the phenomenon continues unabated in Korea and Japan, where their sale has never been restricted. Some critics feel that the government, by expending so much energy on the dolls, is only lending credence to the traditional Chinese belief in the power of curses and black magic. "Until a month ago, I was selling 10, maybe 11 voodoo dolls a day," says Chen, the owner of a toy store in southwestern Beijing who declined to give his full name when speaking ill of the government for fear of reprisal. "I think most of the kids bought them because they were popular, not because they wanted to hurt each other. The government looks foolish when it acts scared of some silly toys. These things only have power if you believe in them."

Since the initial crackdown, there have been no voodoo-doll-related arrests, although vendors who continue to sell the dolls run the risk of incurring a hefty fine per voodoo doll in their possession. Whether a nationwide ban will be instituted remains to be seen. Regardless, the Chinese government is once more confronting the problems that arise when a market economy and socialist ideology collide.

© 2006 Newsweek, Inc.

King Happy

So, just about to wrap up another week. This has been an interesting week in a lot of ways... let's just say that I was able to talk a little about the email and why I found it offensive, but I can't say that that really changed the preference for the melanin-challenged portion of the Western population.

Anyhow, classes were good this week. Eerily good this week. I think my kids are a little stressed about their exams next week. The first day of their three day exam will be on Children's Day - what a way to celebrate your special day, math test. So, I think I will play some sort of review game and get them all cheery with the dreaded Chicken Dance.

Usually I ask my class the "How's it going?" question to start off the period. I have been getting lots of "very, very, very terrible" responses this week. One of my students, who named himself, "Happy King" said that he was feeling very sad and slumped down in his seat. He is usually a very cheery student who is always smiling. A little later, while checking group conversations, I asked him where his smile went and he said that he was too sad to smile.

I finished up my rounds and hopped back up onto the platform at the front of the classroom only to hear, "Teacher! Teacher! Look!" There was Happy King with a big purple smile drawn across his face (almost as big as the real smile that was now on his face) with highlighting marker nicely accented with a bright green Fu Manchu moustache and beard. I starting laughing and couldn't stop. I just couldn't look at him without laughing and whenever we looked at each other we would both just start cracking up. So, the kingdom is once again in good spirits as King Happy is now again the happy King.

My Remarkable Makeover!

So, whaddaya think?

I have had some time to think about my last post, and I have decided, ya know what? They're right. I think it is way more impressive to be white. So, with the help of my husband and lots of "product" I would like to unveil my new truly more impressive and remarkable white self! I do think that now I will be able to provide the local people with the desired "effect" the administration was hoping for initially.

My "White Face" Routine

So, now that I have the look, I need the act to be totally convincing with my new found ethnic identity. I know, I know - I'm western, I know that I am, but I need to be MORE western to make it more convincing. There is no room for error here.

So let's see here....

Ahem, ahem -

"I said I wanted a double no whip, half caf, soy milk, mochalatta with 1 2/3 shots of mint!"

"Hey! Check out this running man!" (see "Evolution" of dance)

"What!? White rice? I'm sorry, I can't, I have to watch my carbs."

"...that thing on NASCAR?"

I dunno, just doesn't seem to fit very well. So, I guess I will just stay the same, the same old Korean-American me - unremarkable and unimpressive. I have a feeling the whole "white" look will just irritate me after awhile. Takes too long.

Anyhow, even with the improved skin color, we still had to work out what to do with the eyes....

Thanks, for all of you who commented and emailed me about the disappointing stance they decided to take. I appreciate it.

Anyhow, no more! As of now, I will be fully resuming my Twinkie lifestyle (y'know, yellow on the outside, yada yada yada). And my official stance on the whole issue is, um, well, "Sit and Spin!"

Only Whites Need Apply

I must admit that I am a little upset as I write this. As you all know, or will know after this post, Matt and I have both really enjoyed our time here in Guyuan but will be moving to Beijing for the next term. I will miss all of my kids dearly and my time with them will always be important to me. I am already getting all choked up whenever I think about having to say goodbye to them. I am very close to some of my kids and I know what kind of impact I have had on them because they have had such a profound impact on me.

However, being a good teacher (err, English cheerleader) or making a difference in the lives of the students isn't what it is all about for the schools. It's how you look. I look Asian. I'm proud of my ancestry and I generally like the way I look. I am not what they want.

At first, it was just a suspicion (a confirmed suspicion, but still a suspicion) that my appearance was not what they were hoping for and that was why Matt was always getting whisked away and introduced to people, getting shown off while I was kinda brushed aside. I gladly accepted my status as the "other foreign teacher". No name, not white. I can't say that I exactly minded getting less attention as I know that I would not have liked getting the attention that Matt received both inside and outside of the school walls. I know why he is teaching at the key middle school and why I am teaching at the Junior School. It is no mystery.

So, most recently, we got a little e-snippet about the school's preference for future volunteers (we can read your mail too, China):

"the most important thing is that because we live in a remote area and we are the first school to invite foreign teachers in Gu Yuan, the school leaders want the two teachers to be typical Westerners in appearance, which will give the local people an impressive and remarkable effect."

It is just different when you see it in writing. I don't know who should be more offended, Matt or myself. So, looks are the most important. It doesn't matter what we do in the classroom, yeh gotta be white, because we all know that IS what the typical Westerner looks like. I know the theory behind this, but what does the typical American look like? Is Matt more of an American because he is more fair? Am I less of one because I am a naturalized citizen? It's like saying all of the Chinese have the same stereotypical look - yellow skin, slanty eyes, straight, black hair, short and a little buck-toothed. But being here, well, there is no one way a Chinese person should look - and thank God for that. All of my kids are beautiful and different. Granted they don't have blonde hair and blue eyes, and generally all have dark hair and dark eyes, but, I really don't think that one could say that they all look the same.

One of the beautiful things about America (and yes, there are quite a few) is its diversity. Granted all things are not equal in the states, but there is a wonderful diversity of people. Is a black person a typical westerner/American? Someone like my cousins - half Mexican, half European? Is there such a thing as a typical American?

I dunno. I'm disappointed.

It brings back a memory of when I was a little girl. My dad works in advertising and he had me and my brother pose for a photoshoot depicting an American family going camping. Well, in my mind (and I don't know if this is exactly accurate, but this was just my impression) everything was good, parents, son, clothing, but not the little chinky looking girl coming out of the tent. Because American families aren't mixed like that - well, at least none that you would want in print media.

I have always felt accepted in my family and out, until an outside force brings it to my attention that I am different. It is the same here. The day to day stuff I know that I am different - in that I am a visitor here and can't speak the language, etc. I look similar, but that is just on the surface, I act and conduct myself very much like a Westerner because, duh, I am a westerner. I am not made to feel unwelcome or like a disappointment (no matter how surface) on the day to day. The kids make me feel loved for who I am, not for how I look. But then, it is only at the meet and greets, the public "face" stuff, and that email when it is brought to my attention that I am not exactly what they want. They want the stereotype. Not me.

Okay, I'm rambling on a little, I am just really disappointed. I do try to understand from the school's perspective that a white face is different and could give the school a higher status, but it just feels so, well, shallow. Racial profiling. That this characteristic + that characteristic = Something better.

This in no way will change my desire to stay in contact with the people who have made such a difference in my life here, but doesn't improve my stance on the administration. The kids. The kids are what's important, at least to me.

So, as one of the first foreign teachers at a middle school in Guyuan, who apparently does not have the "typical Western" appearance, I may not have been able to "give the local people an impressive and remarkable effect" on behalf of the school or boost the status of the school by my appearance, but I am fairly certain that I have been able to make an "impressive and remarkable effect" on the beautiful children I get to work with everyday which is remarkably more important to me than any shallow concerns the administration may have.

World Record? Uhhh...Go, Yeah!?

My college pal, Jerry just sent me this article about what has been goin' on at my Alma Mater. I guess, go Beloit, go? Right?

SAT., APR 8, 2006 - 9:09 PM
Beloit College students go for Ultimate Frisbee record
GENA KITNER gkittner@madison.com
BELOIT -- About 30 Beloit College students have played Ultimate Frisbee through rain, hail, cold and even a bit of sun since Thursday ? and they plan to continue until 7 tonight in an effort to break the world record for the longest continuous Ultimate Frisbee game.

"We've seen all four seasons," said Alex Tillett-Saks, a Beloit College junior and one of the event organizers.

But despite the conditions, "everyone' remaining in really good spirits," he said Saturday as the group entered its 42nd hour.

The current Guinness world record is 70 hours and 14 seconds and the students' plan is to make it to 72 straight hours of Ultimate Frisbee.

The object in Ultimate Frisbee is to score by catching a Frisbee pass in the opponent's end zone. A player must stop running while in possession of the disc but can pivot and pass to any of the other receivers on the field.

The players are divided into two teams and play in shifts, said Nick Wolf, a Beloit College junior who also helped organize the event. The teams have a detailed record of every point to verify the statistics for the record book, he said.

The students are playing at Karris Field, which because of the rain resembled more of a mud pit than a field. As of Saturday afternoon, the group had played about 25 games, some better than others.

"You can't really run in the mud," Tillett-Saks said.

Amy Buechler, a sophomore at Beloit College, said she had never played Ultimate Frisbee until this weekend.

Why get involved now?

"Glory," she said.

Buechler was on the field Saturday after playing for 13 straight hours Friday.

"It's fun when everybody's really tired," she said. Although she got a break to sleep, she said it's hard to relax.

"When you're falling asleep you're thinking about Frisbee."

According to the Ultimate Player's Association Web site, about 100,000 people play Ultimate Frisbee in the United States.

Gabe Stader-Brown, a Beloit College junior, is an experienced Ultimate Frisbee player who tries to get involved in any Frisbee event he can.

To prepare for the nonstop Frisbee action, he ate healthier and drank more water in the weeks leading up to the event. But nothing could prepare him for the rain, hail and freezing temperatures early on.

"It seems like the weather is out to get us," he said.

As part of the event, organizers hoped to raise money for the Merrill Community Center, a nonprofit agency in Beloit's inner city.

Although no money had been raised as of Saturday afternoon, organizers hope the event raises awareness for the community center.

"We think it's great," said Princess Snyder, program director at the Merrill Community Center. "I know that they think about us when they do community service."

Judson Laipply is dancing - The Evolution of Dance

If a man dancing around in blue jeans and an Orange Crush t-shirt doesn't do it fer ya, well, there is no hope for you.

If the above doesn't work, please click here: Judson Laipply is dancing

Seriously funny and non-political for those loyal "W" fans.

Spanky, Spanky

I just had to post this brand new hall game!

The game:

STEP 1: A pair of boys link arms

STEP 2: They start to run around in a circle.

STEP 3: While they spin, they madly try to spank each other.

STEP 4: Hilarity!

I gotta bring my camera more often to catch these gems.

Classes were good today. I broke up a nasty little fight in the hall - one kid got a bloody nose from a big wallop to the face. Had to put them both in timeout for the rest of the morning break.

What else...Oh, we were talking about different kinds of meat and what animal it comes from. I asked, "What other meat do you like to eat?" Someone (I'll let you guess who) yelled out, "Horse tiger! Horse Tiger!" I looked at him and asked "you want to eat Ma Hu?" - who is a boy in the class (Ma(3)= Horse Hu(3)= Tiger). Everyone started laughing and pointing at Horse Tiger and called out "Just So-So, Just So-So". The class decided to name Ma Hu "Just So-So" because he doesn't like to study, so in school he only does "just so-so".

Boy oh boy! I will miss these kids so much when we leave!

BANG! BANG! BANG!

Why hammer when it's daylight when you can do it at 12:23 AM?

*Sigh*

For all of you who were concerned about my aches and pains, I'm all good now. Yes, in Zhongwei while listening to Gasman next door, I was stretching my stiff legs and CRRRRACK! When the pain subsided, and I regained consciousness (just kidding, I think...) I had full, pain-free use of my knee.

The saddle sore problem? Well, that worked itself out too (stinkin' metal saddle). I just couldn't sit real well for a few days.

Lip? Deflated.

All of my aches and pains did seem to amuse my children though, especially my bloated lip. Ah yes - nothing like laughing at other people. Stinkin' kinds :-)

Anyhow, went out with our awesome Waiban yesterday. She took us to a good restaurant and new American chocolate shop. So, Candinas (great shop in Verona, WI) it is not, but good to try. The chocolate mice were delightful. Also, we had some more "coincidental" conversations. Oh China PSB, you sly dogs, you!

Hammering done. Me bed.